02 October 2008

Do not call

I'm working from home today, and I've already received 3 phone calls from telemarketers. I'm tempted to put my name on Canada's new Do Not Call List.

I have a dream of staging an elaborate drama the next time a telemarketer calls. Something like the following:

Them: "Hello, is Mr. Daniel Wood there?"
Me: "Mr. Wood is here, but do you really want to speak with him?"
T: "Yes, if that's okay."
M: "Alright, but I think this is a bad idea."
T: "Uhh, what . . ."
M: "Mr. Wood! The phone's for you! (under my breath) This is gonna get ugly."
(This is where I stomp my feet, bang around, and make other angry noises.)
M: "Uh oh."
Mr. Wood (it's really me pretending to be Mr. Wood): "Come here you little . . ."
(I fumble with the phone while pretending to run.)
Me: "Let me go!"
(More scuffle noises.)
Me: "The pho . . . (grunt) . . . It's the phone! Just calm down. The phone's for you!"
(The sound of a drawer opening and rattling metal.)
Me: "Sweet meats he's got a knife."
(More running. The door opening and slamming. Heavy breathing for a few seconds.)
Me: "You still there?"
Them: "Yeah, are you okay?"
Me: "I don't think you should call back here ever again."

Kristen just read this and said it wasn't funny. :(

She's probably right, but I'm posting it anyways. I think it's a good use of "sweet meats" -- my new favorite exclamation.


ammonc said...

It's nice to see that with all your busyness, you still make time to fully/over develop completely random thoughts.

mer said...

I'm always tempted to tell telemarketers that whomever they wish to speak to hasn't made parole yet, just to see what they say.

Russell said...

It's funny until you say "sweet meats" You should say something more realistic like, "Holy Whiskers, Batman!" or "Golly Gee Willakers". Both of those are funnier and more likely to actually escape as an expletive when you are threatened.